Member-only story
Hold The Paddle Of Your Social Life
In the past 6–7 years, I have slowly become slow at replying to messages, closing myself to others for periods of time and avoiding contact with the external world.
I thought this was a newly “acquired” pattern of behavior I got through time but during a recent Skype with my parents, they mentioned an old story from when I was a child.
When I was about 4 year’s old, during a break in kindergarten, I locked myself in a classroom’s closet for 45 minutes, hiding from the rest of the world.
I wasn’t bullied (too much) back then, apart from being run after since I couldn’t run yet. But I clearly remember looking through the enclosure of the closet’s doors while people came in the room looking for me.
I can still feel the pleasure and fun I was having by being looked after. I didn’t hide out of fear or anything.
I think I enjoyed the fact that people were looking for me. It meant I mattered to those around me. Of course, I didn’t realize how scary that was for my parents to have lost their child for a little while.
While I never truly forgot this experience, I rarely think of it but as I have been analyzing myself for the past months, taking a closer look at it seemed like a good idea.
