“What you focus on grows, what you think about expands, and what you dwell upon determines your destiny.” — Robin S. Sharma
It’s a well-known fact that we need to have positive self-talk to improve our life.
If you’re always telling yourself that you are awful at something, it’ll stay that way. If you ask yourself negative questions, you will see the negative in everything.
So, all you need is to reframe your thoughts to be more positive.
Makes sense. On paper. Because after all, it is easier said than done. You may want to be positive, you will still struggle with changing your mindset. It has been ingrained in your head for a long time.
Knowing what you need to do isn’t enough. First, you need to understand what you think of.
- What types of questions are you asking yourself?
- What topics come up on a regular basis?
- Are your questions about yourself or others?
- How do you phrase your internal questions?
- Why do you avoid certain topics?
Before you start rephrasing your internal questions, you need to inquire why these are the questions you ask yourself.
What do those questions do to your mindset now? How do they impact your days? How did they come to be phrased this way?
There is no point in just changing a question to its positive version. You need to become aware of your mental state.
Reflecting on your self-talk will change your perception of yourself. You will understand your past. You will notice your present. And then you will become able to modify your future.
Pieces of advice you read about what you should or shouldn’t do doesn’t really matter in the end. It is about how they fit in your life. How you interpret them.
“Why can’t I keep a girlfriend?” can be rephrased to “How can I keep a girlfriend?”, sure.
But is it going to change how you really think? Not if you haven’t dug into who you are, what your experiences were. You will first need to reply to the negative question, to accept its answer. Only then can you move on to become more positive and reply to the second question.
Don’t run away from who you are. Discover that person. It’s a beautiful human being with all its flaws and virtues. It’s someone with many things to offer to the world. Just waiting to understand himself.
Is it easy? Oh no. I’m afraid not. But it is a challenge worth the trouble. Because understanding your life will open countless opportunities to make it magnificent.
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Mathias Barra is a French polyglot living in Japan and who has learned 6 languages and dabbled in numerous others. Being a curious child full of wonders is how he keeps on learning and can’t stop sharing about every tiny idea, even non-language-related.